i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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