don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
did i just pee glitter
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
