I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
