Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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