So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
