I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
