She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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