Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
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You. Win. At. Life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
