you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
