Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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