Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
