I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
