i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
