HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
