I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
