shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
