I just saw a hot homeless man
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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