im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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