she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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