if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
