I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
