once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
