help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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