Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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