Someone shit on the floor
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
