So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
