her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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