shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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