I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
