Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
