Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
