I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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