i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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