Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
