and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
