is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize