So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This baby is an asshole
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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