it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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