I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
