This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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