im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
