apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
