No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
