I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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