I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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