But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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