Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
