2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
