Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
