I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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