god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She is in my trunk
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
