And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need water and some morals
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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