Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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