Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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