Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
