Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
