Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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