Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
