I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
