Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
