When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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