The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
