got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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