Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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