The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
