Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
