Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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