I met the friendliest cop last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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