even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
