Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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