I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
